Understanding the Past to Accept the Future
By: Gareth Noble
As I have grown and developed both as an individual and as an entrepreneur, I have learned one lesson over and over: my past life experiences continually impact on my here, my now, and my future.
This is as true for me as an entrepreneur as it is for me as an individual doing my best of walking through life. Whether my past experiences will be an advantage or a hindrance to my future totally depends on my acceptance or non-acceptance of the past.
As an entrepreneur, I have run a nationwide training business for the past 11 years. At the beginning I found the self-promotion aspect very difficult — to tell people why I am worthy of their time and money. This was due to being told as a child – I won’t make anything of myself — that nothing good happens to us.
The past 5 years has led me down the path of psychology, counseling and therapy, both personally and professionally.
During this re-education for myself and then helping others to learn how to deal with trauma and abuse, I have learned a lot about what holds us back.
I believe that in business many of us will fall into the trap of not pursuing an opportunity because we feel we are not quite ready, or we tell ourselves ‘’If only I was more qualified’’, ‘’more confident’’, ‘’who am I fooling, they wouldn’t want me’’ etc. etc.
To be honest we hold ourselves back, we then make excuses so we can justify not trying, or not getting the contract, position and so on.
There are Three Steps to Understanding Your Past to Excel into the Future:
- Become Aware of How Much Your Past Affects Your Present
Our insecurities usually come from childhood and us listening to our younger selves. But what we are actually doing is telling ourselves that all the people in the past that told us we couldn’t or shouldn’t are correct. When a parent holds a child back from experimenting, that parent does so to keep the child safe, but actually the parent is putting their insecurities and confidence issues on the child, the same with teachers, peers, friends, and others.
For example, I was helping a woman of approximately 23 years old deal with the trauma of being abused when she was 13. She had become agoraphobic and negative towards herself. I asked her if there was a 13 year old girl standing in front of her telling her, as a 23 year old woman, how to live her life, what would she say to this 13 year old? She replied, “I would tell her to shut up and do one.’’ I smiled and asked her if that is the case, why is she listening to her 13 year old self and her 13 year old’s insecurities? She smiled when she realized what she had been doing.
- Practice Taking Risks
There is a need for people to take risks and then learn from them, by doing so we learn what works and what doesn’t work, we can then re-group, figure out a better way, and move forward to succeed in our task. It’s how we learn to walk. We need to fall down to be able to get back up. We build the strength and confidence to take a step, then two steps, three steps… until we are now able to run.
- Look Toward the Future
We all do it though, there is nothing wrong with being aware of potential hazards and failings, but unless we also look at the amazing possibilities ahead of us, and how good the future can be, we will always be listening to our younger selves and the doubts that had been put upon us by others. We are not born with doubt and insecurity, these things are given to us. We can decide if we are going to let the past drag us back (just as if we are dragging a ball and chain) or whether we are going to accept we have a ball and chain, pick up that ball and chain, get a good strong hold, take ownership of it and carry it. Instead of it taking control of us, we now take control of it, and whilst it will still be heavy, it will definitely be so much easier to move forward. As we then get stronger, the weight of our ball and chain begin to feel lighter and easier to manage.
Now I no longer worry about self-promotion, invoicing, winning contracts and telling others how good we are (without being arrogant 😊 ) I am an adult and I will listen to my adult voice, make my decisions both good and bad as an adult, not a child who hasn’t figured out life yet.
To learn more about Gareth’s business, Noble Training Solutions, please check out: www.nobletrainingsolutions.co.uk.